AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
