i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize