Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
