Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
