Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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