i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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