final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
