Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
