DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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