also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
