i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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