It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
