i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to fling myself into the sun
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
