so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
bring money and cleavage
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
