So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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