When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
