i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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