Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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