Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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