'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
