the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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