The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
