I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
