Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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