God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
