please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
