fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
