He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
