I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
