He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
