come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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