I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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