please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
