I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
