woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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