I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
