Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
