Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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