It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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