So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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