well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
