i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
