GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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