My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
