Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you traded sex for a burrito?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
