Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is this the sara with the beer cane?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
