epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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