i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
