I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
