so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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