So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
