Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
