Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone shattered a urinal.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
