In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
