I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
