dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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