i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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