Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
