You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize