i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
