Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just gift wrapped bread.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
