I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
God, I missed his penis.
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