Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
