So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
