I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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