Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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