Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's great music for shaving your balls
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
