barbara walters just said penis...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
