I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
