That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
