it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
