I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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