Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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